Emptying the Nest

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted here. I've been alternately too busy, too depressed, and too wigged out. The Boy moves into his hotel/temporary dorm tomorrow. It is a hotel room because they don't have any dorm rooms available just yet and it is temporary because they promise to have him in a real dorm within three weeks. It's a little bit The Boy's fault, a little bit my fault, and a whole lot the fault of the University that can never seem to get enough dorms built. Of course, the fault that's ours is that 1) The Boy didn't submit his dorm application until early summer and 2) I didn't follow up until late July. Truly, I didn't expect to hear from them until July anyway, so regardless of when The Boy applied, I would have waited until I thought there was a problem before calling, which is what I did. The problem was that he applied online and for whatever reason, it didn't go through. So when I called in late July, they had the application fee I had mailed in, but no application, and I had to resubmit and then call them back to verify that they really had it this time. I've been a bit of a basketcase ever since. We got the email confirming he's in a hotel on Wednesday.

I've been reverse nesting all week. I've washed all of his new towels and Twin XL sheets. I've got his new clean pillowcase on his new pillow, which he's not allowed to sleep on yet. His new blankie, I mean blanket, is all washed and neatly folded. I've packed everything except his clothes, and the washer is going with those right now. I've got to take him out to Target or WalMart in a bit so he can get some kind of toiletry/meds bag. He tried to get me to go alone, but I threatened to bring back something with Hello Kitty on it, and he said that would make him cry, because he wants something manly.

This afternoon I will make him re-pack. He doesn't need half of his stuff yet because of the hotel situation. So we will go through everything, re-pack what he needs for the upcoming week, and then box up the rest for when he gets into an actual dorm. I'm trying not to be too controlling, but it's not working very well. The more anxious I get, the greater my need to do it all for him. He doesn't seem to want to do anything yet, and I think it's because I've sapped all the fun out of getting ready for college for him by doing it all myself and then just telling him about it. It's so hard not to try to live vicariously through your kid. I can't imagine what a nightmare of a mother I'd be if I had a daughter.

The rest of the plan includes dinner tonight, his choice. He requested PF Chang's, which we've never done before. I had in mind cooking his favorite meal or taking him out to his favorite restaurant, something that would remind him of home. But then, it's not about me, is it? Tomorrow we will head up at about 8:30, check in at the housing office, pick up his pre-ordered books at the bookstore, buy his zoology books, move him into his hotel, eat lunch on campus, and attend various welcome activities. And then, according to the official Schedule of Events for Welcome Week, at 3:30 we parents say our "Final Goodbyes." And then I have to leave. I have to leave my baby in another city, an hour away from me, and I can't come back for an entire week. I have to step back and let him swim or drown. Does parenting ever get easier? No, it does not. It just gets hard in different ways.