Knob Blog

We finally (almost completely) finished our perpetual kitchen remodel a couple of months ago. The two remaining items on the agenda are for the Vansome to stain and attach the trim along the top of the backsplash, since he was the one who ripped out the (newly completed) trim before he had the larger trim (that I didn’t think was necessary) ready to install (hard feelings, much?), and for me to choose and purchase hardware for the cabinets. Also, I belatedly conceded that the Vansome was right and we should go ahead and install a cabinet over the fridge, so we’ll have to special order one to fit, and we desperately need to replace the 21-year-old range. The budget has been exceeded for now, so those don’t count towards completion. Also, I’d love a new fridge. And better cookware. I am in love with my Calphalon skillets, but they are lonely. Some Le Creuset in Caribbean Blue or Kiwi would be nice as well.

I have been scouting out knobs and pulls online for the past two days. Home Depot has one of those cool wishlist features on their website, so I have been adding all of the potential winners. I think I have been looking too long, because I am definitely getting pickier. Here are some that didn’t make the cut:



















These look like fallopian tubes to me.



















This one looks like the legs of some elf or oompa loompa that were cut off while in the middle of one of those weird oompa loompa dance move poses.















The more I look at this, the more the ceramic insert seems to be smiling at me in a creepy way.



















These are the pulls on the cabinets in Skeletor’s Evil Lair.



















Okay, I am not going to be pulling on the monkey’s tail.



















I liked this, but they smashed it in. On purpose apparently.



















I picture this one being tossed with a mighty force by a Marvel superhero, with maybe some lightening flashes around it to indicate speed and deadliness. Interestingly enough, it’s called Fountain Pen. So maybe the superhero is a mild mannered bank executive by day, but at night he wields the Fountain Pen of Justice, and he seeks to right the wrongs of overpaid CEOs intent on destroying the world economy with their evil Credit Default Swap machines. Okay, now I’m just getting political.



















This is a bean pull. It is much more bean-like than the knob version of this design:



















This does not look like a mess of beans to me. It looks like a mess of something else. Off topic, but along the same lines: If I had lots of money and a house with too many bathrooms, I’d decorate one of them in a Winnie the Pooh theme. These knobs would be perfect on my Pooh cabinets.



















Too many ridges, reminds me of arthritic knuckles. Also the ends are slightly inappropriate.



















Curvature of the spine. Could also be a weird alien two headed sucking worm creature. Those little dots around the bases? Mean pointy teeth that will latch on to you and not let go. Ever. Or it could be a silver plated bamboo purse handle.

















Inchworm, you are just draggin’ ass.



















They’re supposed to be sunflowers, but they look like they could crawl off. I’m way too arachnophobic , thank you very much. Sunflowers aren’t really my style anyway, even when they don’t look like spiders or crabs or those creepy little red crab-spiders that run sideways and then crumple into an unrecognizable blob when you toss a bath mat over them so they won’t escape while you wake up your husband to tell him that a teeny tiny crab has somehow gotten into your bathroom in central Arkansas and is stalking you so you can’t get ready for work. Whew! Sorry, flashbacks. Yep, this one wins the Creepy Award.

As of now, I have 67 different styles of knobs and pulls in my wishlist. Of course, quite a lot of them are automatically disqualified due to price. Let me recount to see how many are actually feasible. OK 21 are somewhat within range. I had a fantasy going that I could have a different knob on each cabinet, but the ones that would work best for that are all way too much, and there are not enough lower priced items on my list to balance them out. I’ll have to ruminate on this a little longer. I don’t think I’m ready to buy yet.